Overcoming Fear

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I am sharing this experience because it was very eye-opening for me. I have been going on splits with the missionaries lately and running to uplifting music…and I’ve basically been on a spiritual high these past few weeks, and I think it must have been too much for satan to handle because now I feel like I’m at an all time low. I sang for sacrament meeting today and people complimented me afterwards but I still felt really down for some reason. And even though i LOVE going on splits, negative thoughts have been popping in my mind… Stupid, downer thoughts. It caused me to really start to question going on a mission and I became really scared. It has been the weirdest thing to experience this because so far, until today, I have been super gung-ho and animated about serving a mission! I haven’t experienced this part yet. I burst into tears crying to my parents, telling them how I felt, and it got to the point where I was hyperventilating. I just felt like there had been a total change in my heart and I hated it. My dad served a mission 20+years ago in peru, which is right next to Ecuador (where I’m going) so he shared some things that I may experience down there. It was so comforting, and he mentioned how you really do need to forget yourself on your mission. I have heard this SO frequently, and I’ve always thought “I am a very caring, loving person. I’m not self-centered or cocky…I’ll be fine.” But that’s NOT what it’s all about. It’s about forgetting that you miss family and friends…forgetting that your feet are sore from walking…forgetting that no one celebrated your birthday because no one knew when it was…forgetting that you’re tired…forgetting that you don’t know anyone…forgetting your pet peeves…forgetting your critical thoughts. I now know that this will be very trying, as everyone has said before, but I KNOW that we all have the strength to do this. I know that our Heavenly Father is there to comfort us, lead us, strengthen us, humble us…HE IS THERE. I am no longer fearing this mission thankfully, but I do know that when it is hard I CANNOT just give up. It is 18 months out of 80 or 90 years of my life. That’s all. So I need to put all I have into it because I will reflect on it for THE REST OF MY LIFE. I love this gospel and I know that we can overcome Satan’s awful negativity. I love reading through Moses and seeing how Moses puts him in his place. It shows how truly insignificant satan is compared to our beloved Heavenly Father. If you ever need to read something where satan is totally dissed…that’s the place to go!! I love this gospel and I know that every single one of us has the potential and the ability to save lives. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

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